Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
