My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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