Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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