I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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