Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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