I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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