yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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