A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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