don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize