Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
