my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
