Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
