i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
