his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
