i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
