hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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