I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
