Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
