Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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