my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
