Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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