Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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