I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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