thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Porn is love you can see.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
