She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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