Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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