woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
