3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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