He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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