if i can run in heels then i can drive
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
