she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
