Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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