So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
