Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you didnt know i had herpes?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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