why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize