I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
