I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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