Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
