Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
