I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
