Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I supernannyed him into submission
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize