My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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