You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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