Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
