I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
