We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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