Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
