Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
