oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
