So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
