I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
