forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
