I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
