well you can't waste a boner
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
