i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
