Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize