why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
