I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
