I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
