Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
