it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
