babies were throwing up all over the place
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
