Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
