I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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