I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
