He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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