Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
