I think im going to throw up on grandma
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
