just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
