No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
