Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
