I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
