Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize