Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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