just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
