You just made me feel so damn special
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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