currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
